Chronicles of Elaine Enlightening

Archive for April, 2012

I am Angry at Nothing

How can I be angry at nothing? “I am upset because I see what is not there.” A Course In Miracles

For as long as I can remember, one of my biggest issues (better known as judgements based on persceptions) has been that I hate interruptions in my schedule. Whether the puppies make an untimely mess in their kennel or I lose something important down in a crevice inside the car, or misplace something important to me, need a nap, you name it, if it wasn’t in the plans, then I could be triggered and respond angrily. I might throw something down, scream, yell, stomp, grit my teeth, lecture, or clam up. I really hate it when I don’t get done what I want to. I notice how easily I can sabotage my results. At least, if I don’t want to see myself as a victim, (and I don’t), then I must be willing to take 100% responsibility for my life. All of the things that are coming up to sabotage my day are my creation.

The truth is, that I will get done exactly what I want to get done. Period!! No exceptions. These are all the illusions I created because I choose to be stuck in the past. You may wonder why I would purposefully sabotage my results. The truth is, it’s subconscious at first. Becoming aware is an important step, but I am still struggling to release my fear of change. A part of me still loves all the drama and if I let go of the past, then I will have peace instead of drama and that can be uncomfortable. This is what “getting of my comfort zone” is all about. I have been a Drama Queen who specializes in making “something out of nothing”. It’s “nothing” because it only exists from my perspective. It’s nothing because it only has the meaning I give it.

I have become aware of my anger at God. I thought I was always the good girl who exhibited so much faith and trust in God. Nada! Nope, the truth is, I have excluded God most of my life, because I didn’t trust him to care for me. I had a lot of experiences as a child that told me I couldn’t trust my parents to be there for me, so how could I trust God. These too, were my illusions though, based on perspective. I am learning from my coach and mentor, Erika Awakening, that when I embrace anger, you can read my last article here, , I can then turn it into gold. Anger is a powerful force that has a purpose when used appropriately.

Because I had more anger come up today, I went and tapped on “Anger Turned to Gold”, a bonus video in .because I understand how important it is to be really honest with myself about my anger in order to turn in into gold. It’s a significant part of becoming a magnet for abundance in every area of my life.

Are you afraid to look at all the “nothing” you are angry at? Nothing will ever change until you do.

Embracing Anger

How can you embrace anger? Especially if you were raised like me and taught that expressing it is wrong. It was the very people who taught me this belief that were expressing so much anger. Now I realize that it’s the guilt we become addicted to experiencing as a result of expressing our anger. Of course, when we express anger in ways that are demeaning and unhealthy then guilt is a common response. I was even taught that guilt is necessary, so we have a need to go to the cross to be saved.

I am going to submit to you that the guilt is not necessary, especially if we learn to honor our anger in productive ways. Tapping on anger is an incredible way to release anger that doesn’t hurt anyone. You can beat a pillow with a baseball bat and have at least a partial release. It’s what you do with the anger and whether you are willing to forgive and move on that matters. Can you see how addressing the anger and not suppressing it is a way embrace it? Nobody feels better after suppressing anger. Most people have been suppressing anger their whole lives. I know I did. Were you ever punished for responding in anger to a parental demand? I know I have. It’s how we get so good at hiding our true feelings.

What you embrace has no power over you, is something I learned form my mentor, Erika Awakening
This concept and the application of it has changed my whole life for the better. Now I feel authentic love for those who I perceived have hurt me. It’s a wonderful feeling to be free. Now anger doesn’t have to run my life.

What is Tapping?

Tap, taps and tapping are terms used by EFT (Energy Freedom Technique) Practitioners.  You know, how a gardener plants?  Well, an EFT Practitioner TAPS.  By tapping on points on the body you can literally free up, or release negative energetic emotional patterns that are stuck in the cellular memory.  EFT is a holistic approach based on the same principles as Acupuncture.  EFT is more involved than just the tapping aspect.  To learn more about the basic techniques I recommend getting the FREE ebook from  www.thrivingnow.com/tapping.  You will need to sign up for it with you name and email, but it will be worth it to get the basic understanding of how EFT works.  You can immediately put it into practice in your life.  Even with no experience with tapping, you will likely see a difference right away.  There are tapping scripts in this email to get you started.  This is the website I went to when I stared tapping.  The emails you receive from signing up have tapping scripts, too.  This is a good place for you to start until I have my own tapping introduction video. 

I tapped by myself until I could sense that I required a coach to really make progress in my life.  It was the best decision I have ever made.  Tapping on the body alone does free up energy and help you to tune into your body. Tapping and using a powerful language founded in a Holistic Approach speeds up the process of freeing the emotional energy in a big way.  This is what I do with my practice.  

A book that I have read and recommend for easy reading on the subject Discover the Power of Meridian Tapping, A Revolutionary Method for Stress-Free Living by Patricia Carrington, Ph D.  This is a companion to the movie The Tapping Solution Created and produced by Nicolas Ortner.  I have the movie, too, and found it to be very helpful.  

I, also, went through the book, Attracting Abundance with EFT, by Carol Look, EFT Master at least 3 times.  I found it interesting and useful to see the negative patterns in my life.  It is literally filled with tapping scripts.   Carol’s book and some of her audio programs that I purchased inspired me to pursue EFT as a Practitioner.  

When you are ready to make serious changes in your life, contact me at elaineenligtening@gmail.com, for private coaching, then you will find out how powerful it is to have customized tapping sessions.  I am still in the process of setting up my website, but I am in a position to coach.  Read the testimonials to see how I can help you, too.

 

Dog Whisperer in Training

I love watching the Dog Whisperer and Ceasar has been my role model for about everything I have done with my puppies thus far.  I have trained them some basic commands starting from the beginning, 7 and 9 weeks old, my main objective has been to have balanced dogs.  Of course, this really comes from me being balanced, so I knew this was going to be a big challenge.

After writing about “My Special Relationships” earlier this week, I saw a correlation between what I have learned about this topic in The Course In Miracles and my relationship with my puppies.  I have written in earlier posts about the negative conditioning I received from my parents about animals in general, but dogs in particular, so I won’t repeat all of those limiting beliefs again.

“For the special relationship is an attempt to re-enact the past and change it…….Do not underestimate the intensity of the ego’s drive for vengeance on the past. It is completely savage and completely insane.”   A Course In Miracles

My past says that dogs are disposable and should get the scraps, should remain outside where they belong.  You don’t spend money on dogs for anything.   As I was tapping on some frustration I had experienced regarding my puppies, it was clear that I was resentful towards them because I have spent money on the healthiest food,  plush beds, groomers, healthy treats, hoodies and coats for winter, doggie toys, soft travel carriers, etc.   I have been carrying guilt from the past, (subconsciously) because I am going against my parents wishes.  Then when I feel the puppies aren’t listening to me (yes, they are teenagers and one day one puppy acts like I never taught them anything and the next day its the other, which is why Ceasar says it takes a lot of patience to raise puppies.) I get irritable and my tone gets harsh.  When that happens I am imbalanced.  Dogs don’t follow unbalanced leaders.  (People do, and I have done plenty of that in the past, too.)

It feels like I am crazy, “insane”, when I write about this, which is why I keep tapping on the frustration when it comes up, I din’t understand why I have it and I didn’t think I wanted the frustration.  The only way to break free from all this is to get really honest and admit that subconsciously I do want it, the frustration I mean.  How I know this is a fact is because, if I stopped being frustrated then there wouldn’t be anything to validate all of my ego beliefs from the past about dogs.  So I keep recreating the circumstances to support my illusions.    It’s taken a lot of persistent tapping to uncover this, but today I felt the biggest shift ever happen on this topic.  So I know I uncovered something big from my shadow self.

Another big aspect that I have been stumbling over again and again has been the fact that my puppies mirror me.  I have written about this before and I have studied the Dog Whisperer enough to know that it is a fact, but there was a part of me that still refused to accept the shadow side.   I have watched Ceasar over and over again, go in and transform a persistent issue with a dog in minutes.  One big key is that he only sees the dog in the present, with no past history of anything negative at all.

“For the special relationship is an attempt to re-enact the past and change it…….Do not underestimate the intensity of the ego’s drive for vengeance on the past. It is completely savage and completely insane.”   A Course In Miracles

I keep wanting to blame the fact that the puppies arrived to my home with these issues, Baron, my male puppy, is fearful and Lady, my female puppy is hyper, instead of taking full responsibility for having created this in my life.  I really didn’t have any experience when choosing balanced puppies and reading Ceasar’s book was not enough for me, but no mistake, we got the puppies we were meant to have.  As I have said in earlier posts, I was in this mode of facing all my fears, when I got the puppies.  I knew I had a lot of hangups to overcome and felt the best way to do that was to jump in and just do it.  I am not one to get anything by just reading or by watching someone do it, I know I have to get in there and do it to get it.

Today, I choose to see my puppies in the light of now and not hold over them the past.  I tapped and prayed on the fact that, I too, am afraid of people and new situations just like Baron.  So while out walking today, instead of feeling judgmental of him for that, I owned it in myself, because it is a fact, even if it is the part I want to hide.  I hide it under smiles and negative body language and politeness, you know, just being the nice girl.  Ugh!!  How fake and phony I can be.  It’s time to face that fear and put it to rest.  Baron loves other dogs, though, especially the big ones.  A part of me loves dogs, especially big ones.

I am also, just like Lady,  when I get overly excited about people and new situations.  I have had some relationships where I opened myself up to quickly and didn’t pay any attention to the red flags, instead I just blindly trusted that this person would rescue me and take care of me.  Lady is scared of most dogs and will try to jump in the arms of the nearest human being to get away from the dogs.  She doesn’t ever come to me, because first of all she knows that I will make her sit and be calm before I pick her up at anytime, second of all she knows I won’t rescue her from other dogs.  I will protect her by standing between her and another dog if I felt she was threatened, but so far that has never happened.  There is a part of me that is afraid of dogs, too.  Although, as I mentioned this in an earlier post, I have found considerable relief from having tapped on this issue.  There is a Chow in our neighborhood that is really aggressive and the owners put the dog outside off leash to roam.  I encountered him once will taking Baron for a bike ride and the Chow started chasing Baron, I turned and said “Hey” to him with all the assertiveness I could muster and he turned and ran off.  Baron’s little legs just couldn’t have out ran him and running in fear is never a solution.  So, now when I walk the dogs, I am on the alert, but not fearful about running in to him.

I know that I have broke free from some real bondage today.  I thank God for this big shift from fear.  I know longer feel the need to see my puppies in relation to their past and have let go of the need to try and change them.  Acceptance is the key and letting go of the past baggage (illusions).  This a big lesson that will carry over into all areas of my life.  I knew I was supposed to get puppies and I am so glad I did.  They are wonderful companions and will only get better.  The puppies will be able to love and respect me as a balanced leader.  Oh, I may stumble here and there, but now I have a much better awareness and I will notice the negative energy before it is manifested, because I have a new understanding.

I may not be a Dog Whisperer yet, but I am 1 shift closer to it.

Creating Money I Didn’t Want

Today, while I was doing the 30 Day Communication Challenge, with Erika Awakening, I felt inspired to write an article sharing some of my experiences with money.

I was raised with the belief that money is a limited resource.  When you spend money it is gone.  People who get money by playing professional sports don’t deserve to make that much money for playing a game.  Any of these sound familiar in your experience?

A painful memory is the one where money was a source of contention.  Child support was the subject.  After tapping on these money issues, I became aware that I had guilt for being responsible for the arguing.  If I hadn’t been alive, there wouldn’t have been a need for my mom to struggle to provide.  Plus, my step mom let me know that she was angry that I was being taken care of at the expense of her having enough money for her children. That was a lot to put on a child.  From the arguing my mom and dad had, I don’t think that the money was coming my way.  This was an important discovery and was glad to be aware of this one, to tap on.

I married young and I always said that God would provide for me and the children if something happened to my husband.  After all, the Bible says, “God watches over the widows and the fatherless.  The problem with this is, that I have discovered, via tapping, that those were only words, I actually did not believe God would provide.  After all, my dad didn’t provide for us and my mom did the best she could, but the truth is we were frugal and strapped financially.  God wants all his children to embrace their birthright to be abundant.  But, our parents, particularly our fathers, model God for us.  It’s subconscious, though.  It wasn’t till I was doing private tapping sessions with Erika, that it came out that I was really angry with God, so much so that I refused to allow my dad to walk me down the aisle.  This was how I kept God out of my marriage, by getting back at my dad.  It worked too, because he didn’t have anything to do with me for 3 years.  He showed up at the hospital after the birth of our first child, because his wife worked in records and told him I was there.  I am sure it hurt his feelings pretty badly, because all while I was growing up, he would talk about walking me down the aisle, like it was a grand thing for him.  I was pretty pissed off at him to do that.  So, now I see that I was cloaking my anger by quoting scriptures and sounding so high and mighty.

I also, had this standard that I raised and that was, I would never sue anyone, because that would mean that I couldn’t forgive.  I didn’t want to gain while someone lost.

I believe that we create our own lives.  It just took a long time to come to realize what that meant.

As it turns out, my husband died and there was a settlement and I agreed to proceed with the case and won, our of court.  The details are insignificant to my story, but I find it so interesting how things turned out.   Of course, there was a lot of guilt around having this money and acquiring it the way I did.  For years, I said that God had provided, like I had said he promised he would.  It wasn’t until tapping in private sessions that I came to see that I created this entire scenario out of fear and guilt.  Can you see the residual guilt from the beginning of the marriage and even from my youth?

It is worth pointing out that I remarried after my husbands death and when I left him, I felt like he had partly married me for my money.  From my perspective that was true.  From that marriage on, I made sure I pushed this money away.  Why would I want to keep “guilt” “blood money”?   I could blame the markets for bottoming out, I could blame my ex, for paying off his house that he and his late wife built, and for retiring early, but then I would not be taking responsibility for how I created my life.  It’s clear that I attracted the situations so that I could play the victim and stay stuck in my belief that I don’t deserve, anything….love, money, security, etc, etc.  Everything comes with a price.  I was taught that something always has to be sacrificed in order to have anything.  Thank goodness, that I now know this is BS.  Totally, BS!!  I know longer need to create a life that is filled with sacrifice and limitations.

Thank God for tapping and The Course In Miracles, which has completely redeemed God for me.  Of course, God has blessed me through all the circumstances I created through my ego beliefs and the money has been used for many good things.  I know abundance is my birthright and that to give does not entail loss.

“The world can give you only what you gave it, for being nothing but your own projection, it has no meaning apart from what you found in it and placed your faith in.  Be faithful unto darkness and you will not see, because your faith will be rewarded as you gave it.  You will accept your treasure, and if you place your faith in the past, the future will be like it.  What ever you hold dear you think is yours.   The power of your valuing will make it so.”  A Course In Miracles

 

 

 

My “Special” Relationships

In this article, my aim is to be open and honest about my understanding as it relates to “Special” relationships as recorded in The Course In Miracles.  I have no intention of blaming my late husband or my x-husband for anything.  I am only taking responsibility for my perceptions.

“Because of guilt, all special relationships have elements of fear in them.  This is why they shift and change so frequently.  They are not based on changeless love alone.  And life, where fear has entered, cannot be depended on because it is not perfect.  In His function as Interpreter of what you made, the Holy Spirit uses special relationships, which you have chosen to support the ego as learning experiences that point to truth.  Under His teaching, every relationship becomes a lesson in love.”

As I write this passage from A Course In Miracles I sense a lot of sadness on my part.  Sad because I engaged in the very ego based fears mentioned here.  Because we were special and unique, those that didn’t worship, dress, walk and talk like us were considered outsiders not to be mingled with.  Of course, we were better.  We had so much more light and truth than any other religion and eventually everyone would come to the final decision to agree with us, or be damned to the Lake Of Fire and Brimstone where there was no rest or escape.  I realize that we thought we were doing what was right at the time and didn’t consider ourselves better than others.  But, no doubt that was the message.  This applies to both marriages, but the following outlines the nature of the relationship with my late husband, for 23 1/2 years, and father of my children

I remember teaching my daughters that just because everybody wasn’t wearing long, homemade dresses didn’t mean we were better than them, we just made better choices.  The choice to be modest was a big one and affected the way we looked for a good 10 years.  I quite wearing makeup and grew my hair out long because I didn’t want’ to look worldly or modern.  It did offend some people, that we were strikingly different.  It was so important that we were to topic of a meeting of the Priesthood in our church once. (They were considered our authority from God.  My late husband was a Priesthood member.)  At a church reunion, someone inquired of us through extended family wondering if we were Mennonite.  There were an equal amount of people inside and outside the church who respected us for our stand on modesty.  Our church family dwindles over those years from 200 to 20 or so people who met in our home for church.  We were the Home Schooling Home Church group who didn’t believe in segregated church school.

We kept our TV in the closet and only took it out for Friday night family movie time.  Of course, it had to be a squeaky clean movie version to be good enough for us.

We mostly ate what we grew and I cooked everything from scratch.  I made sure my girls knew how to cook, clean, and sew.  The girls had chicken, bottle calves, bottle lambs, dogs, cats, goats and horses.  Then we had our son and that gave the girls first hand experience with babies.

I believed I was to be the submissive wife according to the Bible teachings.

Our oldest daughter went through a rigid courtship, which we believed was biblical as well.

I am not judging anyone who chooses to do any of the things mentioned here.  None of the things in and of themselves were “bad”, it was the attitude in which we did them that matters.  I know where I was coming from and what my motivations were at the time, its just that now I am willing to look at the shadow side of myself and admit what I kept hidden for so long.  Mostly, that everything I did was out of fear.  I can see how religion is very fear-based, of which everything I did was rooted in.  I completely squelched my powerful feminine side, in support of masculine superiority.   I raised my children to be very judgmental and critical.

Even though, I changed the way I dressed and lived dramatically after my husband died, it wasn’t because I had to do those things for him.  I simply had some Ah Ha moments and moved forward accordingly.  Even in my second marriage I still judged everyone that was different than me and felt superior.  At that time I had gone back to embracing a more modern appearance although still very modest.  Just like the passage from ACIM above states, “because of guilt….this is why they shift and change so frequently….”  Proof that the answer for peace isn’t found in anything external.

Thank God, we have EFT to assist us in releasing these limiting beliefs.  I have had the privilege of working with my daughters to reach back to the past and together heal the wounds.  The transformations have been powerful for all and continue to be.  I have given my children permission to speak of any and all trauma’s from the past, especially the ones that I initiated, because I know that anything that is brought to the light of truth will ultimately free us from the bondage of the past.  Keeping what does still serve us and releasing that which is meaningless.

My second marriage didn’t end well, there was so much pain and sadness in this situation.  At the time, I had the perception that I was a victim.  Talk about fear, I fled for what appeared to be very good reasons.  Even in this I still take full responsibility for my perceptions.  It is very comforting to know that,  “Under His teaching, every relationship becomes a lesson in love.”  It has been a long road to learn to love.  It has been a process to learn to love myself, again.  Also, gleaning from every experience in my life “the lesson of love” has been and still is my goal.

“In His function as Interpreter of what you made, the Holy Spirit uses special relationships, which you have chosen to support the ego as learning experiences that point to truth.” This passage describes quite well my journey back to truth.

I can feel that I have more to tap on after writing this article. I am also quite sure that I will continue addressing this topic of special relationships.

“Everyone on earth has formed special relationships, and although this is not so in Heave, the Holy Spirit knows how to bring a touch of Heave to them here……For the Holy Instant reaches to eternity, and to the mInd of God.  And it is only there love has meaning and only there can it be understood.”  A Course In Miracles

How New Patterns In The Body Can Be A Sign Of A Shift Coming Part 2

I went back to Dr Yakel today and realized that the new pattern that I mentioned in Part 1 had shifted.  I was experiencing for a few weeks a pain in my right hip.  It’s gone!!  Dr Yakel was pleased to see the difference in my entire body.  The neck pain on the right side has also released completely.  

I have seen quite a difference in the way my body has reacted to the Internal Cleanse that I am doing this year as opposed to last year.  I mentioned in Part 1, that my body has indicated a struggle that correlates to me not being willing to let go of the past.  That has shifted now, too.

I still have a couple of weeks left to go on the cleanse as I address other organs.  I continue to see Dr Yakel each week and of course, I tap every day.  I will continue to tune in to the messages that my body is sending me.   

“The opposite of joy is depression.  When your learning promotes depression instead of joy, you cannot be listening to God’s joyous Teacher and learning His lessons.  To see a body as anything except a means of communication is to limit your mind and to hurt yourself.  Health is therefore nothing more than than a united purpose.  If the body is brought under the purpose of the mind, it becomes whole because the mind’s purpose is one.  Attack can only be an assumed purpose of the body, because apart from the mind the body has no purpose at all……….Health is the result of relinquishing all attempts to use the body lovelessly.”  A Course In Miracles