In this article, my aim is to be open and honest about my understanding as it relates to “Special” relationships as recorded in The Course In Miracles. I have no intention of blaming my late husband or my x-husband for anything. I am only taking responsibility for my perceptions.
“Because of guilt, all special relationships have elements of fear in them. This is why they shift and change so frequently. They are not based on changeless love alone. And life, where fear has entered, cannot be depended on because it is not perfect. In His function as Interpreter of what you made, the Holy Spirit uses special relationships, which you have chosen to support the ego as learning experiences that point to truth. Under His teaching, every relationship becomes a lesson in love.”
As I write this passage from A Course In Miracles I sense a lot of sadness on my part. Sad because I engaged in the very ego based fears mentioned here. Because we were special and unique, those that didn’t worship, dress, walk and talk like us were considered outsiders not to be mingled with. Of course, we were better. We had so much more light and truth than any other religion and eventually everyone would come to the final decision to agree with us, or be damned to the Lake Of Fire and Brimstone where there was no rest or escape. I realize that we thought we were doing what was right at the time and didn’t consider ourselves better than others. But, no doubt that was the message. This applies to both marriages, but the following outlines the nature of the relationship with my late husband, for 23 1/2 years, and father of my children
I remember teaching my daughters that just because everybody wasn’t wearing long, homemade dresses didn’t mean we were better than them, we just made better choices. The choice to be modest was a big one and affected the way we looked for a good 10 years. I quite wearing makeup and grew my hair out long because I didn’t want’ to look worldly or modern. It did offend some people, that we were strikingly different. It was so important that we were to topic of a meeting of the Priesthood in our church once. (They were considered our authority from God. My late husband was a Priesthood member.) At a church reunion, someone inquired of us through extended family wondering if we were Mennonite. There were an equal amount of people inside and outside the church who respected us for our stand on modesty. Our church family dwindles over those years from 200 to 20 or so people who met in our home for church. We were the Home Schooling Home Church group who didn’t believe in segregated church school.
We kept our TV in the closet and only took it out for Friday night family movie time. Of course, it had to be a squeaky clean movie version to be good enough for us.
We mostly ate what we grew and I cooked everything from scratch. I made sure my girls knew how to cook, clean, and sew. The girls had chicken, bottle calves, bottle lambs, dogs, cats, goats and horses. Then we had our son and that gave the girls first hand experience with babies.
I believed I was to be the submissive wife according to the Bible teachings.
Our oldest daughter went through a rigid courtship, which we believed was biblical as well.
I am not judging anyone who chooses to do any of the things mentioned here. None of the things in and of themselves were “bad”, it was the attitude in which we did them that matters. I know where I was coming from and what my motivations were at the time, its just that now I am willing to look at the shadow side of myself and admit what I kept hidden for so long. Mostly, that everything I did was out of fear. I can see how religion is very fear-based, of which everything I did was rooted in. I completely squelched my powerful feminine side, in support of masculine superiority. I raised my children to be very judgmental and critical.
Even though, I changed the way I dressed and lived dramatically after my husband died, it wasn’t because I had to do those things for him. I simply had some Ah Ha moments and moved forward accordingly. Even in my second marriage I still judged everyone that was different than me and felt superior. At that time I had gone back to embracing a more modern appearance although still very modest. Just like the passage from ACIM above states, “because of guilt….this is why they shift and change so frequently….” Proof that the answer for peace isn’t found in anything external.
Thank God, we have EFT to assist us in releasing these limiting beliefs. I have had the privilege of working with my daughters to reach back to the past and together heal the wounds. The transformations have been powerful for all and continue to be. I have given my children permission to speak of any and all trauma’s from the past, especially the ones that I initiated, because I know that anything that is brought to the light of truth will ultimately free us from the bondage of the past. Keeping what does still serve us and releasing that which is meaningless.
My second marriage didn’t end well, there was so much pain and sadness in this situation. At the time, I had the perception that I was a victim. Talk about fear, I fled for what appeared to be very good reasons. Even in this I still take full responsibility for my perceptions. It is very comforting to know that, “Under His teaching, every relationship becomes a lesson in love.” It has been a long road to learn to love. It has been a process to learn to love myself, again. Also, gleaning from every experience in my life “the lesson of love” has been and still is my goal.
“In His function as Interpreter of what you made, the Holy Spirit uses special relationships, which you have chosen to support the ego as learning experiences that point to truth.” This passage describes quite well my journey back to truth.
I can feel that I have more to tap on after writing this article. I am also quite sure that I will continue addressing this topic of special relationships.
“Everyone on earth has formed special relationships, and although this is not so in Heave, the Holy Spirit knows how to bring a touch of Heave to them here……For the Holy Instant reaches to eternity, and to the mInd of God. And it is only there love has meaning and only there can it be understood.” A Course In Miracles