I realize now, that I always thought God plays mean tricks on me. On the surface I was the good church going girl, who prayed and testified publicly of God’s goodness and mercy. I actually wanted to go to church every time the doors were open, even during my teenage years. I read my scripture religiously and was sure that I “loved God”.
It wasn’t until I started mentoring with, Erika Awakening, that I really was willing to dig deep and be totally honest with how I really felt about God. It is also clear, that because my dad was someone I couldn’t trust, then I projected that same lack of trust on God. Even though, my parents were divorced and I lived with my mom, I had plenty of experiences that validated my belief that “God Plays Mean Tricks” because dad played mean tricks. Like I mentioned in my article, dad wasn’t always there for me. He wasn’t faithful to my mom, either. Another aspect of my Dad that I hated was his love of teasing or playing tricks. He would take things from me, toys, candy etc.,and hide them from me. He would tickle me until I wet my pants. He would come up behind me and hit me behind the knees, so that I would fall down. He would tell me stuff that wasn’t true, just to see my excitement, only to dash my spirits. He demanded respect, but wasn’t willing to show respect. I learned really young not get spankings from my dad, because he used a belt. This made me fear him, not respect him. Although, I spent all of my adult life up until recent years believing that I did respect my dad (and mom) for spankings. I applied the same limiting belief on my 4 children (“Spare the rod and spoil the child.”). Thank God for, Marshall Rosenberg and his work entitled, Non-violent Communication, I no longer buy into such beliefs. Of course, dad had a good sense of humor and a fun side, but for the sake of this article I am focusing on my perceptions of my dad and how it affected my perception of God.
My siblings would have a different viewpoint than me, which proves that these are my perceptions and the ‘reality” that I chose. I have done a lot of work to release my anger towards my Dad based on these perceptions. I have already experienced beautiful healing and I don’t “blame” my dad or my mom. It just is what it is.
Even this morning, I reacted to something that happened, as though, the world was against me. As I caught myself playing the “victim”, I realized that I reacted with a good deal of cynicism, which was a familiar feeling. This lead me right back to the belief that “God Plays Mean Tricks” on me. I chose to write this article in hopes of once and for all dispelling this myth in my mind that “God Plays Mean Tricks” on me. I spent some time EFT/Tapping on this feeling. I am ready to embrace the truth about my relationship with God and to stop projecting these illusions from the past on to my future.
“Glory to God in the highest, and to you because He has so willed it. Ask and it shall be given you, because it has already been given. Ask for light and learn that you are light. If you want understanding and enlightenment you will learn it, because your decision to learn it is the decision to listen to the Teacher Who knows of light, and can therefore teach it to you. There is no limit on your learning because there is no limit on your mind. There is no limit on His teaching because He was created to teach. Understanding His function perfectly He fulfills it perfectly, because that is His joy and yours.” The Course In Miracles