Chronicles of Elaine Enlightening

Today, while I was doing the 30 Day Communication Challenge, with Erika Awakening, I felt inspired to write an article sharing some of my experiences with money.

I was raised with the belief that money is a limited resource.  When you spend money it is gone.  People who get money by playing professional sports don’t deserve to make that much money for playing a game.  Any of these sound familiar in your experience?

A painful memory is the one where money was a source of contention.  Child support was the subject.  After tapping on these money issues, I became aware that I had guilt for being responsible for the arguing.  If I hadn’t been alive, there wouldn’t have been a need for my mom to struggle to provide.  Plus, my step mom let me know that she was angry that I was being taken care of at the expense of her having enough money for her children. That was a lot to put on a child.  From the arguing my mom and dad had, I don’t think that the money was coming my way.  This was an important discovery and was glad to be aware of this one, to tap on.

I married young and I always said that God would provide for me and the children if something happened to my husband.  After all, the Bible says, “God watches over the widows and the fatherless.  The problem with this is, that I have discovered, via tapping, that those were only words, I actually did not believe God would provide.  After all, my dad didn’t provide for us and my mom did the best she could, but the truth is we were frugal and strapped financially.  God wants all his children to embrace their birthright to be abundant.  But, our parents, particularly our fathers, model God for us.  It’s subconscious, though.  It wasn’t till I was doing private tapping sessions with Erika, that it came out that I was really angry with God, so much so that I refused to allow my dad to walk me down the aisle.  This was how I kept God out of my marriage, by getting back at my dad.  It worked too, because he didn’t have anything to do with me for 3 years.  He showed up at the hospital after the birth of our first child, because his wife worked in records and told him I was there.  I am sure it hurt his feelings pretty badly, because all while I was growing up, he would talk about walking me down the aisle, like it was a grand thing for him.  I was pretty pissed off at him to do that.  So, now I see that I was cloaking my anger by quoting scriptures and sounding so high and mighty.

I also, had this standard that I raised and that was, I would never sue anyone, because that would mean that I couldn’t forgive.  I didn’t want to gain while someone lost.

I believe that we create our own lives.  It just took a long time to come to realize what that meant.

As it turns out, my husband died and there was a settlement and I agreed to proceed with the case and won, our of court.  The details are insignificant to my story, but I find it so interesting how things turned out.   Of course, there was a lot of guilt around having this money and acquiring it the way I did.  For years, I said that God had provided, like I had said he promised he would.  It wasn’t until tapping in private sessions that I came to see that I created this entire scenario out of fear and guilt.  Can you see the residual guilt from the beginning of the marriage and even from my youth?

It is worth pointing out that I remarried after my husbands death and when I left him, I felt like he had partly married me for my money.  From my perspective that was true.  From that marriage on, I made sure I pushed this money away.  Why would I want to keep “guilt” “blood money”?   I could blame the markets for bottoming out, I could blame my ex, for paying off his house that he and his late wife built, and for retiring early, but then I would not be taking responsibility for how I created my life.  It’s clear that I attracted the situations so that I could play the victim and stay stuck in my belief that I don’t deserve, anything….love, money, security, etc, etc.  Everything comes with a price.  I was taught that something always has to be sacrificed in order to have anything.  Thank goodness, that I now know this is BS.  Totally, BS!!  I know longer need to create a life that is filled with sacrifice and limitations.

Thank God for tapping and The Course In Miracles, which has completely redeemed God for me.  Of course, God has blessed me through all the circumstances I created through my ego beliefs and the money has been used for many good things.  I know abundance is my birthright and that to give does not entail loss.

“The world can give you only what you gave it, for being nothing but your own projection, it has no meaning apart from what you found in it and placed your faith in.  Be faithful unto darkness and you will not see, because your faith will be rewarded as you gave it.  You will accept your treasure, and if you place your faith in the past, the future will be like it.  What ever you hold dear you think is yours.   The power of your valuing will make it so.”  A Course In Miracles

 

 

 

In this article, my aim is to be open and honest about my understanding as it relates to “Special” relationships as recorded in The Course In Miracles.  I have no intention of blaming my late husband or my x-husband for anything.  I am only taking responsibility for my perceptions.

“Because of guilt, all special relationships have elements of fear in them.  This is why they shift and change so frequently.  They are not based on changeless love alone.  And life, where fear has entered, cannot be depended on because it is not perfect.  In His function as Interpreter of what you made, the Holy Spirit uses special relationships, which you have chosen to support the ego as learning experiences that point to truth.  Under His teaching, every relationship becomes a lesson in love.”

As I write this passage from A Course In Miracles I sense a lot of sadness on my part.  Sad because I engaged in the very ego based fears mentioned here.  Because we were special and unique, those that didn’t worship, dress, walk and talk like us were considered outsiders not to be mingled with.  Of course, we were better.  We had so much more light and truth than any other religion and eventually everyone would come to the final decision to agree with us, or be damned to the Lake Of Fire and Brimstone where there was no rest or escape.  I realize that we thought we were doing what was right at the time and didn’t consider ourselves better than others.  But, no doubt that was the message.  This applies to both marriages, but the following outlines the nature of the relationship with my late husband, for 23 1/2 years, and father of my children

I remember teaching my daughters that just because everybody wasn’t wearing long, homemade dresses didn’t mean we were better than them, we just made better choices.  The choice to be modest was a big one and affected the way we looked for a good 10 years.  I quite wearing makeup and grew my hair out long because I didn’t want’ to look worldly or modern.  It did offend some people, that we were strikingly different.  It was so important that we were to topic of a meeting of the Priesthood in our church once. (They were considered our authority from God.  My late husband was a Priesthood member.)  At a church reunion, someone inquired of us through extended family wondering if we were Mennonite.  There were an equal amount of people inside and outside the church who respected us for our stand on modesty.  Our church family dwindles over those years from 200 to 20 or so people who met in our home for church.  We were the Home Schooling Home Church group who didn’t believe in segregated church school.

We kept our TV in the closet and only took it out for Friday night family movie time.  Of course, it had to be a squeaky clean movie version to be good enough for us.

We mostly ate what we grew and I cooked everything from scratch.  I made sure my girls knew how to cook, clean, and sew.  The girls had chicken, bottle calves, bottle lambs, dogs, cats, goats and horses.  Then we had our son and that gave the girls first hand experience with babies.

I believed I was to be the submissive wife according to the Bible teachings.

Our oldest daughter went through a rigid courtship, which we believed was biblical as well.

I am not judging anyone who chooses to do any of the things mentioned here.  None of the things in and of themselves were “bad”, it was the attitude in which we did them that matters.  I know where I was coming from and what my motivations were at the time, its just that now I am willing to look at the shadow side of myself and admit what I kept hidden for so long.  Mostly, that everything I did was out of fear.  I can see how religion is very fear-based, of which everything I did was rooted in.  I completely squelched my powerful feminine side, in support of masculine superiority.   I raised my children to be very judgmental and critical.

Even though, I changed the way I dressed and lived dramatically after my husband died, it wasn’t because I had to do those things for him.  I simply had some Ah Ha moments and moved forward accordingly.  Even in my second marriage I still judged everyone that was different than me and felt superior.  At that time I had gone back to embracing a more modern appearance although still very modest.  Just like the passage from ACIM above states, “because of guilt….this is why they shift and change so frequently….”  Proof that the answer for peace isn’t found in anything external.

Thank God, we have EFT to assist us in releasing these limiting beliefs.  I have had the privilege of working with my daughters to reach back to the past and together heal the wounds.  The transformations have been powerful for all and continue to be.  I have given my children permission to speak of any and all trauma’s from the past, especially the ones that I initiated, because I know that anything that is brought to the light of truth will ultimately free us from the bondage of the past.  Keeping what does still serve us and releasing that which is meaningless.

My second marriage didn’t end well, there was so much pain and sadness in this situation.  At the time, I had the perception that I was a victim.  Talk about fear, I fled for what appeared to be very good reasons.  Even in this I still take full responsibility for my perceptions.  It is very comforting to know that,  “Under His teaching, every relationship becomes a lesson in love.”  It has been a long road to learn to love.  It has been a process to learn to love myself, again.  Also, gleaning from every experience in my life “the lesson of love” has been and still is my goal.

“In His function as Interpreter of what you made, the Holy Spirit uses special relationships, which you have chosen to support the ego as learning experiences that point to truth.” This passage describes quite well my journey back to truth.

I can feel that I have more to tap on after writing this article. I am also quite sure that I will continue addressing this topic of special relationships.

“Everyone on earth has formed special relationships, and although this is not so in Heave, the Holy Spirit knows how to bring a touch of Heave to them here……For the Holy Instant reaches to eternity, and to the mInd of God.  And it is only there love has meaning and only there can it be understood.”  A Course In Miracles

I went back to Dr Yakel today and realized that the new pattern that I mentioned in Part 1 had shifted.  I was experiencing for a few weeks a pain in my right hip.  It’s gone!!  Dr Yakel was pleased to see the difference in my entire body.  The neck pain on the right side has also released completely.  

I have seen quite a difference in the way my body has reacted to the Internal Cleanse that I am doing this year as opposed to last year.  I mentioned in Part 1, that my body has indicated a struggle that correlates to me not being willing to let go of the past.  That has shifted now, too.

I still have a couple of weeks left to go on the cleanse as I address other organs.  I continue to see Dr Yakel each week and of course, I tap every day.  I will continue to tune in to the messages that my body is sending me.   

“The opposite of joy is depression.  When your learning promotes depression instead of joy, you cannot be listening to God’s joyous Teacher and learning His lessons.  To see a body as anything except a means of communication is to limit your mind and to hurt yourself.  Health is therefore nothing more than than a united purpose.  If the body is brought under the purpose of the mind, it becomes whole because the mind’s purpose is one.  Attack can only be an assumed purpose of the body, because apart from the mind the body has no purpose at all……….Health is the result of relinquishing all attempts to use the body lovelessly.”  A Course In Miracles

 

 

Yesterday, I picked out an outfit that suited me and was appropriate for the weather before my shower….. 

To digress, I have always been obsessive about planning everything in advance.  Learning to live in the present moment doesn’t necessarily mean, to me, that I never plan anything, but that I am willing to seek Divine Guidance first and then let go of all the outcomes. (I have pretty much just let go of all my own ideas about planning in general, to allow the Holy Spirit to guide me in everything I do.)  It’s important not to judge what does happen as bad or wrong if something alters the original plan.  This has been extremely challenging for me and if I didn’t have tapping, I would not have found the freedom I have today.  I have spent my entire adult years attempting to surrender this aspect of my life to God (planning my day out to the minute and then being angry if it didn’t turn out the way I had planned).  There were literally no breakthroughs until I understood how the ego works and how to tap on the limiting beliefs found there.   What I am learning is to trust Divine Guidance in EVERYTHING.  

So back to yesterday, I picked something out before my shower and only to change my mind after the shower.  I wondered why I had spent a good 10 minutes trying to find the perfect outfit earlier only to change my mind.  I am not at all saying that there is never a time to plan ahead what I’m going to wear or anything else for that matter.  What I am saying is that this experience of picking out clothes ahead of time, more times than not, results in me changing my mind anyway.  It just became clear to me that this was one way that I could practice staying present.  You see, for me planning ahead comes from a scarcity mindset.  If I don’t do this now, then it might not get done, or what if I forget, or maybe I won’t have time….anxiety, fear-based thinking has brought me nothing but insanity, headaches and frustration.  When it comes to picking out clothes ahead I am just obsessing about whether my choices are perfect for the ever changing Missouri weather and are appropriate for my needs that day, plus I always want to look polished.  Letting go of perfection in all areas of my life is something that I am also in the process of tapping on and releasing.  Not to mention, I am in the process of simplifying my wardrobe so that I am not digging for what I want because I have too many choices.

“Time can release as well as imprison, depending on whose interpretation of it you use.  Past, present and future are not continuous, unless you force continuity on them.  You can perceive them as continuous and so make them so for you.  But do not be deceived, and then believe that this is how it is.  For to believe reality is what you would have it be according to your use for it delusional.  You would destroy time’s continuity by breaking it into past, present and future for your own purposes.  You would anticipate the future on the basis of your past experience, and plan for it accordingly.  Yet by doing so you are aligning past and future, and not allowing the miracle, which could intervene between them, to free you to be born again.”  A Course In Miracles

I am ready to stop anticipating the future based on past experiences by letting go forever the belief that there isn’t enough time, money, food, etc etc.  Abundance is my birthright and yours.  Staying present is where the miracles are.

In what areas of your life are you afraid to surrender?

I quite cold turkey on my thyroid medicine and my prescription cream for my skin condition, when I wrote the first article entitled “Medicine or No Medicine”

It felt like it was time for an update on my progress.  The first few days the hot flashes seemed to be more frequent then they for the most part stopped altogether.  Because the thyroid is like a thermostat it regulates a lot of things.  When you have a low thyroid, becoming exceedingly hungry is common and so weight gain can be a side effect.  I did notice the hunger thing coming up a lot, but since I have been cleansing most of the past 2 1/2 weeks and drinking sometimes juice only and now a little food with juice, it makes sense to feel hungry, although, usually the hunger goes away after awhile, but it hasn’t this time.  

Before I started this cleanse and when I decided to stop being on drugs, I committed to embracing everything I experience as a learning opportunity.  Trusting that whatever seeming negative thing that is happening is short lived.  So when the hunger pains have come, I am using that as an opportunity to tune into my body and tap on what comes up.  What I keep getting is the scarcity mindset.  Fear of not having enough.  Yesterday was a breakthrough day after persistent tapping on this belief wedded in sacrifice.  Today, I just feel normal and have no ravenous urges.  I have also been tuning into the emotional hunger verses stomach hunger.  If you read my article on “Can Ice Cream Heal A Broken Heart?”, you would know that ice cream is one of my favorite comfort foods. So when that comes up, I know I’m feeling lonely and since that is an ego limiting belief, I can address that one head on.  I am never alone!!

Speaking of hearts, I had serious heart palpitations every since my husbands sudden death in 2001.  That’s when I went on the thyroid medicine.  The palpitations were not better right after I got off the medicine, but now they are so rare.  Of course, now I see it as simply anxiety.  The death of my husband just brought to the surface something that was already there.  It’s founded in fear.  Fear just causes more of what we don’t want. So any tapping I do on any fear would ultimately reduce the anxiety.  

Weariness is another symptom of low thyroid.  Again, being on the cleanse makes it a little more challenging to decipher.  Fatigue is a natural symptom of detoxing, too.  I am feeling some dragging feeling here and there, but mostly I feel strong.  I am not doing any intense exercise either, because it’s not recommended to overdo while cleansing.

I am also tuning into the itching of the skin condition.  I consider what is coming up when it happens and where on my body is it manifesting it.  The locations on the body are really significant.  If its itching on the back of my head, I know it’s associated with my shadow side.  If it’s in my ears, I know there is something I don’t want to hear or shouldn’t hear.  If my eyelid is itching and flared up, I know there is something I don’t want to see or shouldn’t see.  I can’t say that any of the area on my body are completely cleared up yet, but the worst place, on the back of my head is 50% better than it was.  

To wrap up, honestly, I think I feel way better off symptomatically now that I am off the thyroid medicine.  I have seen improvements in my skin condition, but, I am not at all concerned about whether it will be healed or not.  I just know as long as it is there, I have something else to learn.  This gives me so much peace and joy.  

 

“To identify with the ego is to attack yourself and make yourself poor.  That is why everyone who identifies with the ego feels deprived.  What he experiences then is depression or anger, because what he did was to exchange Self-love for self-hate, making him afraid of himself.  He does not realize this.  Even if he is fully aware of anxiety he does not perceive its source as his own ego identification, and he always tries to handle it by making some sort of insane “arrangement” with the world. He always perceives his world as outside of himself, for this is crucial to his adjustment.  He does not realize that he makes this world, for there is no world outside of him.”  A Course In Miracles

I have been learning so much about how I identify with my ego and thus make myself poor. I have spent my live in a scarcity mindset and how freeing it is to release it.  Here is one example that may seem minor, but I took my eyes of one of my puppies for a minute, I thought he would finish his food while I took the other puppy out potty.  When I came back B had snatched the one down hanging flower off of my new arrangement and chewed it up instead of eating his food.  I over reacted with anger, exchanged. I growled something as insane as, “You stupid dog.”  I calmed down and just submitted him in front of the flower.  I was amazed that I valued something like a silk flower that much to feel attacked when it was damaged.  I reacted similarly when the puppies chewed the plastic ends off the cords of my new blinds.  I was seeing the world outside me and was not, at first, willing to take responsibility for what I was creating.  You see, I have spent a lifetime calling myself “stupid”.  I was coming from a place of lack, I’m not enough, there isn’t enough.  God made me, and you, whole perfect and complete in Him, so belittling myself leads to belittling others, even my puppies. I was exchanging Self-love with self-hate and was afraid of myself.  I did not realize this at the time.

“If you will recognize that all the attack you perceive is in your own mind and nowhere else, you will at last have placed its source, and where it begins it must end.  For in this same place also lies salvation.  The altar of God where Christ abideth is there.  You have defiled the altar, but not the world .  Yet Christ has placed the Atonement on the altar for you.  Bring your perceptions of the world to this altar, for it is the altar to truth.  There you will see your vision changed, and there you will learn to see truly.  From this place, where God and HIs Son dwell in peace and where you are welcome, you will look out in peace and behold the world truly.  Yet to find the place, you must relinquish your investment in the world as you project it, allowing the Holy Spirit to extend the real world to you from the altar of God.”  A Course In Miracles

I choose to relinquish my investment in the world, of silk flowers and blinds, etc, by allowing the Holy Spirit to extend the real world to me from the altar of God.  I choose to love (value) myself the way God loves (values) me and then I will love (value) others as well.

What are you investing in today?  Are you happy?

I decided to start fresh and new with a new personal email address.  (My old email had the the house number from the farm where my late husband and I raised our children and lived for 23 1/2 years, good memories, but in the past, non the less)  I was divinely inspired to what name to use and felt lead to consult the angels regarding what number to put in it.  I was given 295 and the meaning is: “Trust that the changes you are making are adjusting your life so you can better focus on your Divine purpose.”  Perfectly amazing!!

But, boy, have I been made aware that I am clinging on to the past.  After setting up the new email, I ,out of ignorance clicked on something that allowed gmail to link my old email with my new.  Immediately, my new empty, clean inbox was filling up with every email from the past few years….as fast as I would delete them, more came rolling in by the 10’s of thousands, at one point there were 0ver 100 thousand. Amazingly, I didn’t feel frustrated but instantly could see that I was afraid to release the past. So turned it into an opportunity to tap and release and click and delete.  There are no coincidences!!

It’s also no coincidence that I am on a Internal Cleanse.  Yesterday, I noticed that the pages in my cleansing guide had gotten flipped and I had been on the the wrong week of the cleanse for 3 days.  (For three weeks consecutive different major organs are cleansed.)  I remembered thinking it was strange that it seemed I was switching focus during the week, but was in a hurry and didn’t consider the obvious. Well, now I know why. What is really interesting is that week 1 is cleaning any unwanted guests from the system.  I thought, humm, in light of all that is happening I must want to cling on to something in my past or maybe I haven’t forgiven someone who I considered a parasite.  I am back on track with the Para Herbs and now if I want to do it thoroughly it’s necessary to add a few days to complete this portion and redo the week I started a few days ago.  But, more importantly is the tapping on all this past baggage so I can move forward with even more clarity and power.  I am so grateful for my new awareness.

My intention with this article is to be authentic with my struggles and to show that everything happens for a reason and that reason is there to serve me and everyone else, for that matter.  What are you not seeing, today, that could give you valuable insights into your fears?   Did you know that tapping is an efficient way to address and release these fears?  Buddha says, Enlightenment is “Omniscient wisdom from all mistaken appearances.”   We are free of he past when we become aware that it never existed, except in our mind.  The only way to create the life that we want is to release the subconscious beliefs that are driving the results we don’t want.